Oh, God, I’m on your anvil of life
The circumstances you use to shape me, mold me, and break me
Are sometimes more that I think I can bear
My heart is being shredded, ripped apart
The pain is great
The nights are long and dark
I have no idea why you have me here
I can’t see to the other side
The hammer – The heavy blows – break my heart
The saw – it seems at times to be almost real
But I must understand that all these tools are only to break my stubborn will.
My flesh wants off the anvil, and I want out
Those places that must be hammered and refined
These are the ones I’m blindest in
The places of pride, you will find, break, and then mend.
I can’t grasp the reasons for this journey
I want the turmoil to stop, I want out
My flesh screams for relief,
I, like Job, can’t see what this is all about
I’m looking for peace,
Will it only come when I die?
The dream if given would ease my pain
But would I lose your presence of peace and grace?
My dream is shattered, up in smoke,
So I must look up and I must hope
Please make my heart anew
My dream must be for more of you,
Oh Lord, my spirit does want what you want
But my flesh just wants relief
You say your grace and love is sufficient
And getting what my flesh wants will only cause more grief
More than I want the dream fulfilled,
I want the gold nugget this struggle will yield
In this dark night of the soul,
I trust it will come forth, shining as pure gold
So, to You I commit it all – to you I yield my aching heart
In yielding comes peace and joy
More than enough for the journey of tomorrow
My spirit is learning to yield to your hand
And, I like Peter, when my wounds and my heart have healed…
You will find me…I promise…helping someone else to yield.
God I pray today for extra grace…
And to love you more with each passing day.
October 28, 1990
Revised 08-07, 2017