To My Dad

In Honor of My Dad

     To My Dad

      Dear Dad, how I look back and remember
      All the things you did so sweet and tender     
      How much your smiles, your jokes, your hugs would say…
      Even after you had worked so hard each day.

      I wish I could tell you now
      All the good things I remember…
      How I spent hours working on “things” with you
      How many hours you spent teaching me what you knew
      So when I grew up,
      I could teach my kids too.

      I see now how hard you tried
      To show me what was right before you died.
      If maybe you hadn’t been so angry
      Perhaps I could have heard what you were saying.      

      We went on many trips – you and I
      I remember when we traveled to Ma-Maw’s house
      I remember the time you took us to the circus.
      Even though you were dog tired—I don’t remember you complaining to us.

      I seemed to be the boy you never had
      I didn’t mind, it was a good place to stand.
      Next to you—you taught me so much…   
      I remember going hunting with you and holding your hand.  

      Those shortcomings and failures of yours…
      Seem so small and so insignificant now
      I wish I could have made lighter of them somehow.
      So I could have listened to the things that were real.
     
      You had the right idea
      There were things you didn’t want me to do, but…
      I thought “there was no real reason.”
      And in truth, you gave no good reason to share
      But you were right and I was wrong
      And the price I paid—well it has been strong.

      Just wanted you to know, Dad.
      I never doubted your love for me
      It was genuine and it was real
      Your anger sometimes made it difficult to see
      But I wanted you to know, Dad, that now it's easer to see it was very real.  

      I failed to understand or agree
      And I paid the price, you see--
      You were right and I was wrong
      Just wanted you to know
      I remember your efforts, your love,
      And your hands so strong.

      Your failures, and shortcomings
      I remember them less and less
      Perhaps it is because I’m older now
      And your battles with me have become my battles with my children.  

      There were many times I broke your heart I know.
      Just as mine has been broken too, as they grow
      I wish you were here so I could tell you
      How much I appreciate all you sacrificed and all the seeds you sowed.

      Jesus, would you please tell my Daddy he was right.
      That my heart hurts just to tell him I love him tonight?
      I wish I could have been a better daughter to him.
      But I’m content to know I’m forgiven.
      If I could hear him
      I know what he would say…

      With a hug and a smile…
      Carol, you are my daughter—nothing can change that.  
      Its water under the bridge…Its over…Its forgotten…its alright. 
      I appreciate you telling me.  I appreciate all you’ve said,
      You are my daughter and I love, you, good night.

      Daddy--
      Just wanted you to know
      I love you in all of your wrong
      You too loved me in all of my wrong
      And you were sooooo right.
      I love you too, Daddy
      Goodnight.

      Jesus, would you please tell my Daddy…I know we were both wrong,  
      But he was oh so right!

Written By Carol Greenberg
February 1989