The SIGNPOSTS OF SHAME
Painful absorption with self:
Shame creates an absorption with self that can make us feel as if we are drowning in quicksand. This is because self-awareness is now on hyper alert. The focus is on me. My eyes are turned inward to see the deed of shame that I committed. Shame shakes the very ground or core of our being of who we really thought we were, but now has been exposed reveal we are not who we believed ourselves to be. Our core identity, the self, we must now face, and that cannot be done without dire consequences. Therefore, we begin to attack ourselves with name calling to match our flawed dignity. I’m stupid, I’m an idiot, I’m trash, I’m nothing, I’m worthless and fit for nothing. No one will ever want me…. you fill in the blank. What do you say to yourself that is probably worse than anyone else would say to you?
We are reminded that shame depicts the attack on our core identity and how it alters our countenance. It is our face that sets us apart from any other person. When shame is felt in the heart it first shows up on the face which reddens and loses radiance and vitality. Then we begin to feel it internally in our gut and has the potential to all kinds of damage there. Remember when God came to confront Cain after he killed his brother, God asked, “Why are you angry and why has your countenance fallen?” Obviously, anger, shame, and guilt was written all over his face. Isaiah declares in 29:22, “No longer will Jacob be ashamed no longer will their faces grow pale. Then in Psalms 44:15, “My disgrace is before all day long, and my face is covered with shame.” Cover their faces with same so that men will seek your name, O Lord. May they ever be ashamed and dismayed. May they perish in disgrace.” Ps 83:16-17
Flight from Exposure:
The second signpost of shame is hiding. We retreat. We withdraw. We isolate. This was the first negative emotion in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve sinned, they got away as fast as they could to hide in the bushes, the very blessings that God had provided for them.
Go back and remember when the last time something happened that brought you some embarrassment. Embarrassment is a lighter form of shame and probably one that can move through the brain’s pain processing pathway to the other side. However, shame goes much deeper and is more difficult to manage. If you felt shame didn’t you feel like wanting to get away as fast as possible? Shame prompts a flight to some self-created world of safe numbness. Dissociation is a fancy word that causes one to retreat, sometimes by decision but other times it is how God created us to be able to handle heavy hard-core shame, when it is beyond our capacity to process it. Some events are outside our window of tolerance to be able to process as our brain tries to process and make sense of the painful event. Other times it is a choice that we will escape by thinking that we can flee to the safety of our own creation – a place where I can escape my inner agony, my own little false creation without pain or demands of God’s world. It is a place outside of reality. It is here that addictions and a myriad of unhealthy behaviors begin, when the realization that a drink, a drug, or something else I use to extreme, will ease the agony and inner shame that is burning in me like a furnace that continues to be fed by my negative thoughts and fears. All eyes are on me and if they are not, I walk in fear that someone will find out what I’ve done. This behavior perceives the enemy far worse than it is and this escape that provides me only momentary relief ends up only increasing my shame and makes looking into the eyes of another or the ugliness of myself that much more incomprehensible. Consequently, any flight to escape to invisibility will fail and require more aggressive methods to stem the hemorrhage. This position of hiding and withdrawing gives the enemy of your soul more power and more ability to continue to weave his wicked web inside your heart and mind until it grows to consume you. His goal is to destroy. The real enemy is pride.
Be well and be blessed as you turn your eyes toward the only one that can heal your heart of shame. There is an anecdote to shame.
Stay tuned.
Shame creates an absorption with self that can make us feel as if we are drowning in quicksand. This is because self-awareness is now on hyper alert. The focus is on me. My eyes are turned inward to see the deed of shame that I committed. Shame shakes the very ground or core of our being of who we really thought we were, but now has been exposed reveal we are not who we believed ourselves to be. Our core identity, the self, we must now face, and that cannot be done without dire consequences. Therefore, we begin to attack ourselves with name calling to match our flawed dignity. I’m stupid, I’m an idiot, I’m trash, I’m nothing, I’m worthless and fit for nothing. No one will ever want me…. you fill in the blank. What do you say to yourself that is probably worse than anyone else would say to you?
We are reminded that shame depicts the attack on our core identity and how it alters our countenance. It is our face that sets us apart from any other person. When shame is felt in the heart it first shows up on the face which reddens and loses radiance and vitality. Then we begin to feel it internally in our gut and has the potential to all kinds of damage there. Remember when God came to confront Cain after he killed his brother, God asked, “Why are you angry and why has your countenance fallen?” Obviously, anger, shame, and guilt was written all over his face. Isaiah declares in 29:22, “No longer will Jacob be ashamed no longer will their faces grow pale. Then in Psalms 44:15, “My disgrace is before all day long, and my face is covered with shame.” Cover their faces with same so that men will seek your name, O Lord. May they ever be ashamed and dismayed. May they perish in disgrace.” Ps 83:16-17
Flight from Exposure:
The second signpost of shame is hiding. We retreat. We withdraw. We isolate. This was the first negative emotion in the Garden of Eden after Adam and Eve sinned, they got away as fast as they could to hide in the bushes, the very blessings that God had provided for them.
Go back and remember when the last time something happened that brought you some embarrassment. Embarrassment is a lighter form of shame and probably one that can move through the brain’s pain processing pathway to the other side. However, shame goes much deeper and is more difficult to manage. If you felt shame didn’t you feel like wanting to get away as fast as possible? Shame prompts a flight to some self-created world of safe numbness. Dissociation is a fancy word that causes one to retreat, sometimes by decision but other times it is how God created us to be able to handle heavy hard-core shame, when it is beyond our capacity to process it. Some events are outside our window of tolerance to be able to process as our brain tries to process and make sense of the painful event. Other times it is a choice that we will escape by thinking that we can flee to the safety of our own creation – a place where I can escape my inner agony, my own little false creation without pain or demands of God’s world. It is a place outside of reality. It is here that addictions and a myriad of unhealthy behaviors begin, when the realization that a drink, a drug, or something else I use to extreme, will ease the agony and inner shame that is burning in me like a furnace that continues to be fed by my negative thoughts and fears. All eyes are on me and if they are not, I walk in fear that someone will find out what I’ve done. This behavior perceives the enemy far worse than it is and this escape that provides me only momentary relief ends up only increasing my shame and makes looking into the eyes of another or the ugliness of myself that much more incomprehensible. Consequently, any flight to escape to invisibility will fail and require more aggressive methods to stem the hemorrhage. This position of hiding and withdrawing gives the enemy of your soul more power and more ability to continue to weave his wicked web inside your heart and mind until it grows to consume you. His goal is to destroy. The real enemy is pride.
Be well and be blessed as you turn your eyes toward the only one that can heal your heart of shame. There is an anecdote to shame.
Stay tuned.
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