Journal Entry: February 1981
Learning to trust God is a scary proposition. I believe if we could really get a bigger picture of who God is and how he works, through his love and compassion for us, we would have an easier time of trusting him. This event occurred on February 5, 1981 . Gene had to quit work due to health problems. We were traveling back and forth to SA for doctors appointments to try and determine the cause of dizzy, passing out spells. This particular weekend, I had picked him up from the hospital to spend the weekend with us and he was to be back Monday morning at 8:00. I had exactly $6.00 to my name. Keep reading to see how God multiplied my measly $6.00 to get us to SA, just like he multiplied the 5 loaves and 2 fish to feed 5000.
This journey started in October 1979. Gene, my husband, was working at Bass World, a Fishing store in Austin. This particular day he suddenly got dizzy and nearly passed out. He was taken by a friend to the emergency room in Austin. One thing led to another, led to another, led to another without any doctors determining the problem. It continued to the point that he had to quit work and was unable to drive due to concern he would pass out. He never passed out driving, but he stated he would start at point A and by the time he arrived at point D, he never remembered anything in between. He spent two weeks in the hospital in December, but they came up with nothing stating nerves and anxiety.
We were going to Audie Murphy Hospital in San Antonio. We would make an appointment, they would examine him and then determine what tests might be productive to have. Each of these appointments could be anywhere from two to three months in between. They scheduled an appointment with an ENT to check his inner ears to determine if that might be contributing to the dizzy spells. That proved false. Then another appointment, and more tests. Each time it we played a waiting game for them to schedule each appointment, This went on several months. I asked if they couldn't put him in the hospital and run all these tests consecutively since it had been several months with 3 months in between each appointment. He was unable to work, unable to drive, and we keep going back and forth waiting for the next appointment. I was told they did not have any beds available to admit him to do this. So we continue driving back and forth to San Antonio trying to determine what might be causing the dizzy spells. Gene would get dizzy, feel very strange and then get very tired and need to sleep. Still no job and nothing ahead except our faith in you.
We are now into February 1981, all the while driving back and forth to San Antonio trying to determine by one test at a time what is causing the dizzy spells and passing out.
Finally they schedule him for an EEG. We make the trip back to SA for this test. After they hook up the electrodes, I go out in the waiting room and wait. Afterward they come out and tell me they will read the test and notify us of the results. I hit the wall. I mustered all the strength I had. I remained calm, rose to my feet, and made a demand. In no uncertain terms I stated: "I expect you to get someone to read this test, NOW! I know for a fact it doesn't take that long to read an EEG, and I expect you to call someone to read it and give us the results NOW! This has been going on for over a year and we are no closer to getting an answer than we were when we started. And, I will not be leaving until I get the results of the test unless you would like to call security to have them remove me from this room!" I wasn't ugly, I wasn't rude, just stated a fact. They actually did get someone to read the test, and then came back with the results. They stated that the EEG wasn't really abnormal, but it wasn't normal either and it was enough abnormal that they made a decision to put him in the hospital to continue to run tests.
So here's the faith walk. Gene was spending the week days at Audie Murphy and I would go get him so he could come home on weekend leave. This particular weekend I picked him up on Friday and he had to be back on Monday. I didn't tell Gene this, but I had no money to take him back to the hospital on Monday.
We go to church Sunday. As the collection plate passed, I heard God say,
"Carol give the $6.00."
WHAT?! I incredulously asked?
I quietly heard him say it again, "Give Me your $6.00!
As the plate got closer and closer I continued to argue...I said, "God, I can't do that! This is all the money I have and I have to get Gene back to SA tomorrow morning!" As if I was telling him something he didn't know. And as I continue to argue with God about MY $6.00, the plate comes closer and closer and I pass it, arguing and attempting to ignore the voice I'm hearing in my heart!
Okay, I have no idea what the message was that day, for I was having my own discussion with God about keeping MY six dollars seeing that was all I had to my name. Somehow clarity showed up and I realized a few truths as God and I discussed this $6.00.
As I stepped out into the hallway, Gene was speaking to one of our friends telling him he had to be back to SA in the morning. (Now keep in mind that he had no idea we had no gas money to get there! NONE!) This friend suddenly offered to drive us! WHAT! Yes, He offered to drive us. He took our car, filled it up with gas, gave it to his wife to drive to work, then he took her car, picked us up early the next morning and off we went to SA. He also bought us breakfast. REALLY? REALLY? GOD! REALLY?
I was blown away. I had told no one of my predicament and I also had no idea how I was going to get Gene back to San Antonio the next morning.
BUT GOD! God knew.
God took my measly little $6.00 and multiplied it abundantly. I'd say as far as I was concerned $5000. worth. Needless to say, I was blown away! OH MY GOODNESS! God orchestrated everything. All because I gave $6.00 measly dollars in obedience. Just like the little boy with the five small barley loaves and two fish, and the disciples asked, "What are they among so many people?" What is this for so many miles?
So, I that's one of my first faith walks. To step out and trust him, and see him orchestrate the results. I learned a lot from that event. Trust and obey, for there's no other way....
It was amazing! God proved so faithful in many other instances of my choosing to obey and just trust Him.
I'm blessed.
We were going to Audie Murphy Hospital in San Antonio. We would make an appointment, they would examine him and then determine what tests might be productive to have. Each of these appointments could be anywhere from two to three months in between. They scheduled an appointment with an ENT to check his inner ears to determine if that might be contributing to the dizzy spells. That proved false. Then another appointment, and more tests. Each time it we played a waiting game for them to schedule each appointment, This went on several months. I asked if they couldn't put him in the hospital and run all these tests consecutively since it had been several months with 3 months in between each appointment. He was unable to work, unable to drive, and we keep going back and forth waiting for the next appointment. I was told they did not have any beds available to admit him to do this. So we continue driving back and forth to San Antonio trying to determine what might be causing the dizzy spells. Gene would get dizzy, feel very strange and then get very tired and need to sleep. Still no job and nothing ahead except our faith in you.
We are now into February 1981, all the while driving back and forth to San Antonio trying to determine by one test at a time what is causing the dizzy spells and passing out.
Finally they schedule him for an EEG. We make the trip back to SA for this test. After they hook up the electrodes, I go out in the waiting room and wait. Afterward they come out and tell me they will read the test and notify us of the results. I hit the wall. I mustered all the strength I had. I remained calm, rose to my feet, and made a demand. In no uncertain terms I stated: "I expect you to get someone to read this test, NOW! I know for a fact it doesn't take that long to read an EEG, and I expect you to call someone to read it and give us the results NOW! This has been going on for over a year and we are no closer to getting an answer than we were when we started. And, I will not be leaving until I get the results of the test unless you would like to call security to have them remove me from this room!" I wasn't ugly, I wasn't rude, just stated a fact. They actually did get someone to read the test, and then came back with the results. They stated that the EEG wasn't really abnormal, but it wasn't normal either and it was enough abnormal that they made a decision to put him in the hospital to continue to run tests.
So here's the faith walk. Gene was spending the week days at Audie Murphy and I would go get him so he could come home on weekend leave. This particular weekend I picked him up on Friday and he had to be back on Monday. I didn't tell Gene this, but I had no money to take him back to the hospital on Monday.
We go to church Sunday. As the collection plate passed, I heard God say,
"Carol give the $6.00."
WHAT?! I incredulously asked?
I quietly heard him say it again, "Give Me your $6.00!
As the plate got closer and closer I continued to argue...I said, "God, I can't do that! This is all the money I have and I have to get Gene back to SA tomorrow morning!" As if I was telling him something he didn't know. And as I continue to argue with God about MY $6.00, the plate comes closer and closer and I pass it, arguing and attempting to ignore the voice I'm hearing in my heart!
Okay, I have no idea what the message was that day, for I was having my own discussion with God about keeping MY six dollars seeing that was all I had to my name. Somehow clarity showed up and I realized a few truths as God and I discussed this $6.00.
- First it wasn't MY $6.00. It was His. Okay, I get that!
- $6.00 was not going to get me to SA, much less there and back. Okay, right again!
- God said, "Give!"
- Obedience is a test. If you love me....you will obey me! UGH!
- I was pretty stressed...heart beating , fear rising....But I did it!
As I stepped out into the hallway, Gene was speaking to one of our friends telling him he had to be back to SA in the morning. (Now keep in mind that he had no idea we had no gas money to get there! NONE!) This friend suddenly offered to drive us! WHAT! Yes, He offered to drive us. He took our car, filled it up with gas, gave it to his wife to drive to work, then he took her car, picked us up early the next morning and off we went to SA. He also bought us breakfast. REALLY? REALLY? GOD! REALLY?
I was blown away. I had told no one of my predicament and I also had no idea how I was going to get Gene back to San Antonio the next morning.
BUT GOD! God knew.
God took my measly little $6.00 and multiplied it abundantly. I'd say as far as I was concerned $5000. worth. Needless to say, I was blown away! OH MY GOODNESS! God orchestrated everything. All because I gave $6.00 measly dollars in obedience. Just like the little boy with the five small barley loaves and two fish, and the disciples asked, "What are they among so many people?" What is this for so many miles?
So, I that's one of my first faith walks. To step out and trust him, and see him orchestrate the results. I learned a lot from that event. Trust and obey, for there's no other way....
It was amazing! God proved so faithful in many other instances of my choosing to obey and just trust Him.
I'm blessed.
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